Summer Shudder
by Lady.of.Victory.Rising
Summary: Rewritten Scenes for Lits #6- I Can't Get Started. Jess and Rory get a chance to talk and sort things out. Title from the AFI song, which is not applicable to the situation, but I literally couldn't think of anything else so I just chose a random song...


**Author's Note-** I've set up a forum for the purposes of keeping better in touch with my readers (yes, I stole knowhere's idea. Got a problem with that? *menacing look*). There's a thread specifically for the Rewritten Scenes series, where you can request specific Lit scenes to be reworked. Please please please check out my forum. It would mean a whole lot to me! The link is, of course, in the standard place at the top of my profile with all the other stupid links to random stuff...

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**I Can't Get Started**

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Chris' phone rings and he excuses himself quickly and turns away. She smiles at her retreating father and wonders if maybe, finally, if she wishes hard enough, this will last and she'll finally get the happy family she's always wanted. It's not a wish that she's ever shared directly with her mother, though Lorelai did ask once. But in her heart of hearts, Rory wants that. A mother and father who love each other is the only thing missing in her fairytale existence.

As she turns, still buoyant with that happy image, a still, dark figure down the hill catches her eye, and her heart jumps. She freezes in her tracks, staring for a moment. It can't be-!

But it is. And as she starts walking down the grassy slope, Jess Mariano walks up to meet her. He's so obviously out of place in the setting, with his messy hair and dark clothing, but somehow, with his hands behind his back and a softer version of his usual smirk around his mouth, he manages to own the lawn of the Independence. Comfortable or not, he's captured her attention and he's somehow holding all reality captive. It's a silly thought, the rational part of her mind says, but her suddenly frantic heartbeat speaks to the contrary.

"What are you doing here?" she asks, amazed.

Jess holds back a grin. It's good to see her. "Hello to you, too." This town is scary as all hell and full of crazy whack-jobs, but it's good to see her.

"Is everything okay?" Rory asks. She's so flustered at his unexpected appearance she doesn't know what to do with herself. She doesn't know what to do with her hands, her hands should be doing something, oh god what should she do with her hands? She settles for crossing her left arm behind her back, grabbing onto her right wrist. Unconsciously, she's mirroring his posture.

"You look nice," he tells her.

He thinks about New York: something changed that day. He's not quite ready to put a label on it yet, but the moment she appeared in Washington Square Park, his feelings for her were pushed past the edge from the enormous crush he's been suffering from for almost a year and into... something else. He doesn't know what; maybe he's scared to know. All he's certain of is that, up until that point, he could lie to himself. He could pretend that she was just a distraction, the only interesting person in a town full of freaks, his source of entertainment. Just a distraction. But when he saw her _there_, with her well-decorated cast and her ridiculous schoolgirl uniform and her bright smile, he knew it was more than that. She didn't just sparkle in her natural environment. Rory Gilmore was special no matter where she was, and it totally changed his perception of her.

Such a simple thing. A bus ride, a hot dog on the subway, a few hours in a record store. And yet, Jess has a feeling it changed _everything_.

"Thank you," she mumbles. And, because his presence has robbed her of the ability to process more than one thought at a time, she asks again, "What are you doing here?"

Rory knows she shouldn't be having these feelings. Jess is not her boyfriend. But last week at the bus station, when she was faced with the prospect of maybe not seeing him again for a very long time, she felt ill. Physically ill. It was too late to deny that she had these feelings, but she had no clue what to do with them now that she'd confronted them.

"I moved back," he says, simply.

"What?"

She can't decide whether she's more elated or terrified. Eventually, she knows, she would have gotten over Jess Mariano and settled back into her comfortable, familiar relationship with Dean. It was easier with him gone. But now he's back... and it's frightening, because something in her is whispering, _no turning back_, and she doesn't want that, she doesn't want to hurt Dean. At the same time, though... Jess. Jess defies description and he breaks all the rules and he looks very, very good standing there like that.

"I moved back." Jess is amused by her stunned expression.

"But what- why?" That's the key: if he's back because his mom decided again that she doesn't want to do her job as a mother, then it's alright. There's no concrete evidence that he feels anything for her. But if he doesn't give a solid answer...

"I just... wanted to," Jess replies, shrugging. His eyes are very unguarded for once, and the intensity of his look is so pointed that she can't help but understand. No more hints, no more games. He's not playing anymore. He came back for her.

Before Rory is really aware of what she's doing, she has thrown herself on him, kissing him fiercely with everything that's been building up inside her for months. He responds instantly, molding his lips to hers in a kiss that's surprisingly tender despite the intensity. One hand comes up to cup her cheek while the other slips down to her waist, and Rory's just about as close to heaven as you can get.

Until reality slams in.

Jess feels her pull away before she actually does, and internally he sighs. He's floating, on top of the world, but she's still with the bag boy and he knew there would be a freakout to deal with from the moment her lips touched his.

"Oh my god," she stutters, stumbling backwards away from him. "_Oh my god_!"

He catches her arm to keep her from fleeing and she stops dead in her tracks. "Rory." He says her name intently and she raises her eyes to his. "What was-? You know what, never mind. You're with Dean. We can just... forget about it, if you want." It hurts him to say it, but the panic in her eyes hurts him, too. He wants her, but not if the price is her happiness. _Helluva time to develop a conscience, Mariano,_ he berates himself internally.

Rory's heart sinks at his words. "You want to pretend _that_ never happened?" A logical part of her brain is rolling its eyes at her fickleness; she ought to just be with Dean and forget Jess, or break up with Dean on the chance that Jess wants to be with her. This being with Dean but wanting Jess thing is tiring and she's sick of not knowing what she wants.

"Do _you_ want to pretend it never happened?" Jess challenges.

"Do you?"

"I asked first."

Rory rolls her eyes before settling into a more serious manner. "I... I have a boyfriend," she says weakly.

"Yeah, you do," he replies, and suddenly he decides to take a risk. No pulling punches. "A boyfriend who just smiles and nods when you talk- he's got no real clue what you're saying, but he goes along with it and you're satisfied. A boyfriend who's possessive in a really creepy way. A boyfriend who you have practically nothing in common with, except a totally passionless relationship."

"Hey!" Rory exclaims, suddenly offended. "There's plenty of passion!"

Jess just raises an eyebrow and it's enough to make her admit defeat (mainly because that slight change of expression is enough to make his already mind-blowing attractiveness double and cause her heart rate to do the same).

"What do you want from me, Jess?" she demands, frustrated. "I have no clue what you're thinking or what you're feeling and it drives me absolutely crazy!"

He stares at her. Is that it? Is this the reason for all the dancing around? Is this why she's been so stubborn about the Bag Boy for all these months... because she honestly doesn't know what he feels for her? It's incredible to him; he knows he's been obvious. Maybe not as obvious as his uncle is with her mother, but he has... implied. How she can _not_ know is beyond him. "Seriously?" he asks, incredulous. "You don't _know_?"

"Know what?"

Her innocence astounds him. "I moved back, didn't I?"

And there it is. He really did mean what she thought (hoped) he meant. He's back for her. He won't say it in so many words; she knows he's not good at that. But he came back. For her. "Oh," she says, and the word encompasses wonder and terror and delight and confusion all in one tiny syllable.

"I mean, jeez! Haven't I made it really, really obvious?"

"But... but I thought that was just for the purposes of screwing with Dean...?"

Smirk.

"And the award for Most Naive Person in the Universe goes to..."

"Oh, shut up," Rory says, grinning. Then her expression descends. "So... now what?"

Jess shrugs, hands in his pockets. "That depends on you."

She nods, understanding what he means: Dean. "Yeah. Okay. I..." And then it hits her, the thing she's been forgetting all these stolen minutes. "Oh god, the wedding. I have to go!" She doesn't want to leave him with nothing, though, so she rushes across the foot between them and presses her lips to his in a quick kiss. When she pulls back, he looks a little dazed and she feels mightily pleased with herself. "I'll see you," she says, then spins on her heal and dashes away...


End file.
